The Alphabet of StaCa
by CarrionEater
Summary: Twenty-six ficlets, one for each letter of the English alphabet, all featuring some aspect of the tangled web between Starscream and Carrion. Obviously mature, and featuring OMC.
1. A is for Acquiesce

**A is for Acquiesce**

Starscream is well known as a stubborn, willful mech. He has ever fought against control, and he hates being told what to do, or that he's wrong, or that his schemes are in need of rethinking. He recognizes this trait about himself and, lacking the desire to change who he is, embraces it. It's not so much that he goes out of his way to do the opposite of what is dictated, but more that he will always find his own ways, his own means, to get a job done. Self-sufficiency is important to him, and so is independence.

And so, Carrion is always very flattered by the fact that, every so often, his Commander gives in to his requests, or considers his opinion on a plan. Maybe it's the product of centuries of loyalty, and maybe it's just their bond, or maybe- and he'll never say this out loud, _never_- it's one of the tiny concessions Starscream is willing to make for him, because he's _Carrion_.


	2. B is for Beg

**B is for Beg**

There have been moments in their time together when Carrion has felt that he will certainly die; struggles of personality or opinion that ended with him pinned by the other, snarling and hissing at each other. It pained his spark to fight his bond-mate, and yet so often that was what they resorted to. It was much safer than acknowledging any of the softer things involved in a bond.

But ohh, it hurt now, pinned again but in a different way; claws digging at his mate's shoulders and trying to hold him up, trying to assess the damage and see a way that it might be repaired before the faint light of his spark whickered out for good.

It hurt so terribly to think that he'd refused to voice his devotion, that they had spent their last moments before battle in fierce argument. But that was how it always went with them, when they knew a fight was coming. They fought, or they interfaced. Only the easy things, never acknowledging the dread they could both feel, or the concern, or that bright, undefined thing that spread between them as they bonded.

"Don't go," he murmurs, clutching on to Starscream's armor. His vocals have adapted a higher pitch than normal, pleading. "Please don't do this, let me fix it, just stay, stay."

And yet it twists inside him, the way his mate only stares at him through faded optics, engine laboring, spark fading. There is too much damage and not enough time, and that's why he's just holding on and not trying to repair him any more. Because there is nothing he can do but beg.


	3. C is for Cabré

**C is for Cabré**

He's a talented flier, and even Starscream doesn't deny it. What separates him from talented and great is a distinct lack of discipline, a tendency to recklessly move however he thought might help him avoid damage or gain advantage over an enemy.

Often – more often than he would like to admit – it gets him in trouble.

For instance, trying to dodge a dive from his Commander while training, he thinks for half a second that gaining altitude will let him literally get the drop on the larger jet. And that's enough for him; he points the nose of his jet form upward and surges forward.

The maneuver almost works, as is often the case; he powers a few dozen yards higher into the atmosphere before his own weight and gravity takes over and he starts to tip over backwards. The unplanned sensation of falling startles him and, panicking in an attempt stay in the air, he flips out of his alt mode and tries to get his feet under him.

He manages to land on his aft, sparing the more delicate metals of his wings, and only glares when Starscream lands lightly in front of him, ordering him back up, back in the air, try again.


	4. D is for Durability

**D is for Durability **

What Starscream appreciates most about Carrion is his durability. The young jet is temperamental and volatile and more often than not, incredibly childish. There are, in fact, more things to loathe about the small seeker than there are things to enjoy.

But, centuries pass and dozens of soldiers die; soldiers that look fiercer and fight meaner than Carrion ever did, and it is _Carrion_ that endures. He will never tell the scrapling this, but nevertheless, he knows it to be true; that Carrion is actually quite strong. Carrion has taken punishment that could kill a lesser mech – not physical damage, because physical pain is something the brat simply cannot take, but punishment nonetheless.

The agony of a broken bond has killed many hardened soldiers, and the Air Commander knows that even those surviving the initial shock and pain of their mate's demise often wither away to nothing, claim their own lives, or become a shadow of the mech they once had been.

So it's enough to make him proud of the slight jet, because he knows Carrion has not succumbed. He can feel it in his spark, the moment it reignites; _his_ bond-mate lives. In misery, in despair, but he _lives_.


	5. E is for Excess

**E is for Excess**

Honestly, he was a little afraid that he might be going insane. He hadn't exactly understood what was happening to him, despite the obvious symptoms, until after he'd convinced Starscream to bond for the second time in a day. Because even that wasn't enough; despite how tired he felt, when he let his optics meet those of his mate's, he'd wanted to go again.

It was, in a word, terrible. He felt hot and irritable, especially thinking of the way Starscream's optics had first widened in horror – "You're _cycling_," he'd said, tone accusatory; like Carrion was doing it on purpose to be annoying – then narrowed in stern negation . He refused to touch him, had, in fact, run off on some errand or another that he just happened to remember was important.

Settling back to recharge – if he was going to be left alone when he felt like this, then he damn well wasn't going to stay _awake_ through it – he couldn't help muttering a little curse at his mate, at himself, and at the stupidity of his own biology.

"Five orn," he grumbled to himself, off-lining his optics. "Primus, how am I supposed to last five fragging orn."


	6. F is for Fatality

**F is for Fatality**

The subject of death between bonded was a dark thing, a terrible thing; it was one of those difficult to express fears that lay un-discussed with a myriad other emotions and anxieties concerning their bond. Carrion tried desperately not to think about it, to feign obliviousness to the danger, because to acknowledge it was to show weakness and worry.

Starscream's didn't seem concerned, for the most part; when they fought or when there was a chance for one or both of them to be injured, Carrion might feel a surge of pained acknowledgement toward the possibility, but otherwise he sensed no unease in his self-assured mate.

At times, the older jet would mention the possibility of one of them dying in an offhanded way, cold and calculated and almost always when the smaller 'Con wouldn't be able to give the concept his full attention. Times like this; with claws distractingly tracing his wings, denta finally releasing their hold on his spark, he curled over his lover, looked directly in his optics, and murmured thickly, "You'll be the death me."

If taken sincerely, the words might have hurt. But in this position, Carrion had to assume they were meant in the abstract, meant to say something that his Commander didn't want to voice directly. So he latched on, smiling despite the way the thought wrenched a little hurt from him, and muttered back that he never would.


	7. G is for Given

**G is for Given**

For Carrion, his autonomy and ability to be his own mech, in spite of his service to the brand Decepticon, was a cornerstone to who he was. He was obnoxious and unique and loud, rubbing against the grain represented by so many dullards and complacent mechs. Sometimes he behaved offensively on purpose, to make a point, but the vast majority of the time, it was simply his unconscious desire to remain free in his own right.

When it comes to Starscream, however, there is nothing he won't give. He would give up everything that separates the individual 'Carrion' from being just another drone to better serve his Commander, where it asked of him. His devotion knows no limit, hasn't – not really, despite their arguments – since they returned from the Autobots.

He has given himself to his mate in every way he knows how, and would give more freely if it would bring the other glory or pleasure. When they fight, it's himself he becomes the most disgusted with because it's so obvious that his Commander doesn't need him, or their bond.

And it does something strange to his spark, something he can't quite define that shivers through him like the thrill of bonding, when it's made obvious that Starscream wouldn't ever want him to stop being his noisy, distracting self; when his mate tells him that he _picked him_, that he was _his_.

Starscream claims him without changing who he is, taking what is offered and molding it into a more useful shape. What he has given is taken without more being demanded, and it makes him all the more willing to offer himself again and again for whatever is needed; returning from every fight, taking any abuse, embracing every whim.


	8. H is for Havoc

**H is for Havoc**

They are an imperfect match, one would think. More than half the time they spend in each other's company is spent in some form of confrontation or another; either staged combat or earnestly bickering.

When they fought, it was in complete sincerity, neither capable of pulling their verbal punches or contain their venomous insults. They were messy and confusing and spiteful, undermining the relationship they were still working on building.

Yet, it endured. For all the mayhem and disorder that characterized so much of their time together, some chord in each matched perfectly the other. Despite their ages, despite their personalities, some power had seen fit for them to be built like for like, naturally resonating at the core of their warzone of a bond.


	9. I is for Indulge

**I is for Indulge**

To Starscream, it's about control; one must fight stupidity and impulsive behavior and have complete mastery of themselves to be successful in life – to even survive. Survival itself was an exercise in control; exerting one's mastery over death, and one's dominion over a confrontation.

His bond mate, his little medic-playing-soldier, has never understood this. Carrion doesn't care to control himself; he fights like a cornered animal, wild shots and snarling laughter, taking flight for a moment to weave around an enemy. When he's wounded, he no longer runs; he redoubles his attack, denta bared in a grin that is as hideous as his motions. Starscream has watched the foolish little glitch use his bare claws, like a simple drone too stupid to use a cannon or even a blade, to take out an Autobots optics; catching the 'Bot off guard and sinking his claws straight into the other mech's face, as deep as he can manage. It's an efficient way to take down an enemy, if you're too foolish to put distance between yourself and a ground-based 'Bot.

Carrion's fighting is artless and sporadic and ugly, and he will have words with the little idiot over it later, because as a Seeker he should always look perfectly capable and intimidating.

But a shiver does find its way to his spark as he watches the sly little sparkling, because in a way Carrion brawls in just the same way as he bonds; spontaneous and with his own flair, indulging his basest whim to get what he wants. If it weren't so dangerous – if it couldn't end with them _both_ taken offline, Starscream wouldn't have cared, perhaps might have worked with him to hone that flailing into something a little more presentable.

As it stands, it's enough of an indulgence on _his_ part to let the fool carry on as he is, without swooping in to drag him out of the battle, put him where he can be a risk to neither of them.


	10. J is for Join

**J is for Join**

Often, if a task is important, Starscream would prefer to do it himself. Carrion knows that his Commander sees everyone else as, on some level, incompetent. He's a surprisingly arrogant mech, for one who has never fully realized his ambitions.

And that wasn't fair, or necessary, he chided himself as he went about the dull task of updating the system specs of some bridge-dwelling drone. Starscream's goals were lofty, indeed, and every motion he made brought him closer to their full completion. The young jet has personally witnessed him talk even Lord Megatron in a circle. He was always in full command of almost every situation he enters in.

_That_ is why he leaves Carrion on the Nemesis when he has something dangerous or delicate to do. Because he must be in control and he can't have there being any chance of things going awry. His place as the Commander's bonded was to do as he was told, to stay where he had decided he was needed, and be here when he came back.

Carrion understood it and did his best to play the good little bond-mate. And yet, it still stung every time he was not invited to join his Commander's task force.


	11. K is for Kismet

**K is for Kismet**

It was a strange twist of fate that they bonded so well. Carrion knew that there had been times when his mouth had annoyed his Commander almost beyond his impressive self-control. And he was very well aware of his own powerful surges of blatant dislike for the larger seeker and his methods of teaching or manipulation.

So many ways would have been easier for the both of them than the path they were on. Carrion, who was largely cynical on the idea of greater powers existing in the universe, nonetheless fancied the idea that this was the right place for them to be.

As strange as their union might be, he knew even through every screaming match and heated exchange of words, even when their discourse elevated to physicality, that they were built to be with each other.


	12. L is for Lalophobia

**L is for Lalophobia**

Carrion had a big mouth for a small mech, and even he knew it. He couldn't stop talking, whether he was mocking an enemy, regurgitating useless medical speak while performing repairs, or, on very rare occasions, apologizing for how offensive he was in his non-stop babble.

But there was a moment when they were bonding when he would suddenly go utterly quiet, or if he couldn't manage that, at least stopped making _words_. Starscream found himself oddly fond of that moment for more than the physicality involved and the brief but complete silence; the look that took over his mate's countenance was one of fear, as if he were afraid to speak as their sparks fully merged.

It wasn't that he liked Carrion to be afraid – though sometimes he did, and he certainly enjoyed a willing bit of struggling – but more that he appreciated that even one as impulsive and irreverent as Carrion could be moved into uncharacteristic stillness by the magnitude of what they were doing.


	13. M is for Mold

**M is for Mold**

When they move together in a certain way, it almost literally feels like they were built for each other. Carrion fits against Starscream easily, their chests lining up comfortably from many angles, but this one especially; as if they're two parts of a whole machine. In the fanciful way he sometimes thinks, Carrion occasionally imagines that maybe they _are_ two parts of one thing, maybe that's why it feels so right to let his Commander do these things to him, to open him up and make him safe when he should be at his most vulnerable.

Perhaps, he thinks as his optics shutter offline for a moment, there is a special manufactory that dictates these things, and that's why none of the other 'Cons really seem to be capable of pair bonding healthily.

Maybe, he invents as his vocals pour a high sweet sound of pleasure, they were molded for each other by designs that had long been lost, and that was why they had been born so far apart, why it was so hard for them to find each other and bond.

It's just romanticizing, he thinks as he rocks back against the larger seeker, both of them working together to establish beat and rhythm to their motions, but it's a pretty thought, a lovely thought. He feels himself laugh breathlessly, and never mind the little surge of confusion that returns to him from Starscream at the sound; he simply presses closer, embracing how their bodies so neatly mold together, and turns the confusion into pleased surprise.


	14. N is for Never

**N is for Never**

He will never say it, no matter how he sometimes thinks it. He won't even let himself believe that what he thinks is real.

The words are unfair because they are lies; they are illogical and impractical and representative of far more emotional outpouring than a Decepticon is capable of. There is no such thing as a 'Con in love because to love another is to weaken one's self. There is only bonding, which provides a strength for every weakness it creates.

So he won't let himself say it, because he respects Starscream enough not to lie, and because he knows his bond-mate would never take the words as more than another example of his stupidity, his naivety. He owes Starscream too much to lessen what is real between them by voicing childish lies.


	15. O is for Order

**O is for Order**

"Stay still."

The order is serious, and though he can't see them, the glowering red optics pin him in place despite his desire to writhe. A claw trails over his face, following the curve of his jaw as Starscream curves over him from behind.

It was a test, something he had to endure. He didn't exactly get the game, but he'd be damned if he wasn't up to playing.

He tries to focus on the wall in front of him, like maybe that will distract him from the need to shiver as claws work over his wings. So many times he's touched is Commander's wings, both for maintenance and just for the delight of the way the other seeker reacts, but he's rarely been treated to pleasant contact on his own.

Claws run down from the sensitive edges, teasing in their lightness and then apply more persistent pressure in that hard to reach area between the wings. For a moment he's able to remain absolutely still; back rigid, head forward, shoulders tense. He will not lose this.

But then, in a gesture almost lazy enough to be accidental, he felt a firm palm slide over the bottom ridge, tips of claws trailing along a natural groove, and he shuddered where he stood, head lolling back.

Pushing against him, Starscream puts the perfect amount of force against his wings to blur the line of pleasure and discomfort. "I said to stay still, Carrion," he hisses, voice almost completely convincing in its venom. "I would think by now you could follow orders."


	16. P is for Proclivity

**P is for Proclivity**

It was never defined and Carrion never managed to understand his Commander's obsession with putting parts of him in his mouth. He didn't even seem to mind much about what it was, so long as he could bite down it. A claw or his very spark; it was a fixation with no apparent outer boundaries.

He's tried it himself, and honestly can't see the draw. Starscream's servos are nowhere near as sensitive as his own, so there is no satisfying reaction from paying them any special attention. The feedback was infinitely more positive when he used his denta on the larger 'Con's spark, but while he rather enjoyed having his mate just melt at his attentions, he really couldn't stand the way it numbed his face.

Still, even if he doesn't quite sympathize with the strange fetish, he will never complain about it, feeling his engine rev as Starscream drags a claw over his denta. He most certainly doesn't plan on complaining.


	17. Q is for Quell

**Q is for Quell**

There are things he's seen that, try as he might, he cannot erase from his memory. They are never pretty things, never things one would want sneaking into their mind as they tried to get through a full recharge in peace.

What haunted him the most, however, was one particular moment, one short horror. He didn't think it would ever fully leave him; he could recall every detail of it perfectly, from Starscream's final scream to his own blossoming horror, to the sting of human weaponry as he tried to figure out how to salvage his Commander.

_Such a failure_, he thought bitterly, the nightmare so well played now that, while he's still horrified, a part of him has begun to list the ways he performed wrongly that day. _A decent soldier would have left the human planes and attended to their Commander_.

_A decent soldier could have saved him from that._

_If you'd just been a little faster, you would have gotten there in time to help. Perhaps Witwicky would have taken your twice-damned eyes instead of his._

_And you can't even call yourself a medic. Did you assess his wounds? Did you even try to salvage the scrap? You just left him there. You sorry piece of slag. You left his body for the humans to cheer over, to give the Autobots the pleasure of adding him to the scrap heap. Disgusting, weak scrapling_.

He's shaken awake to the image of his Commander's head exploding in flame, the sound of his final shout ringing to mix with his own mental commentary on his shortcomings. The image is frozen for a moment when he brings his optics online, enough so that he jumps before it clears, revealing the much more pleasing visage of his bond-mate as he is now, whole and safe.

"Stop that." The larger jet snarls, glaring down at him for a moment before twisting to sit beside him. His quarters are just slightly smaller than Starscream's, and the older 'Con utters a little noise as Carrion shifts to lean against his arm. Despite that noise, which he interprets as 'I should be annoyed, but I'm not, but I have to pretend anyway', his claw is taken lightly in Starscream's own, larger talons stroking over his sensitive servos in a soothing gesture.

"Whatever you're dreaming about, knock it off," he grumbles. "You're waking me up."

And it shouldn't, because there is nothing kind or particularly caring about the words, but – maybe because Starscream should be in his own quarters, and instead bothered to come all the way down here, bothered to wake him and save him from his own stupid processor – Carrion finds the horror and sickness brought on by the nightmare diminish anyway.


	18. R is for Resist

**R is for Resist**

Everything between them is stressed, the very air between their bodies electric with the struggle between Commander and soldier. Carrion feels his engine race as he tries to pull his hands free, meeting Starscream's wicked grin with a narrow eyed glare of defiance.

It's hard to maintain, but he's found himself to be a startlingly efficient actor. The truth is, and he's not exactly sure how he feels about this little fact, he's enjoying this just as much as Starscream. Though he loathes being pushed around, he loves the strength of his bonded, loves feeling him exercise it to restrain him when they play at making up over some little fight.

He'll run his mouth and push his Commander's temper right to the brink of its limit, and he'll resist every touch and refute every claim until they get here; this point where Starscream is beyond dealing with Carrion's mouth and is ready to assert his privilege as superior and bond-mate. It's a masochistic dance he's leading, but his partner is a willing sadist, and in the end, everyone wins.


	19. S is for Selection

**S is for Selection**

Carrion knows Starscream has options; he doesn't delude himself that the Air Commander couldn't take – by force, if he did so desire – any other flier for a mate.

It strikes him, every now and then, that Starscream doesn't have to be here, the purring engine beside him when he wakes from a full recharge, the menacing bulk behind him when he's fucked up on the battle field, the teacher patient enough to try teaching him how to survive in a war he wasn't built to fight in. Starscream could have comfortably given upon him at the first sign of ineptitude.

Carrion doesn't envy him having options, because it means constantly picking at differences, weighing values. He does, however, feel cutting warmth in the hollows of his spark every time the other mech pulls him close or pushes him into action, or in any way acknowledges him. He knows Starscream had the option of giving up and moving on, and that for some reason, he had chosen not to.

A childish and hedonistic part of him insists the impossible, that Starscream chose him because he is _him_, unique and singular and desirable. The thought makes him curl his mouth in a sneer and shudder at his own stupidity.


	20. T is for Turbulence

**T is for Turbulence **

_This relationship_, Starscream thinks as he watches his mate twist in the air, _is defined in that foolishness._

The visual metaphor was rather adroit. Carrion's free flight was all spirals and kinks, dramatic falls and swooping upsurges. He moved erratically, following impulses that barely passed through his processor – his thoughtlessness steering him into a dance that was, although beautiful in its way, impossible to predict and would never be repeated.

When the slight jet meets turbulence, he fights it instead of riding through it; naturally unwilling to yield even in the face of an unstoppable force. And instead of being shaken to pieces or being thrown to the ground or just giving up and landing, somehow, his mate soars.


	21. U is for Under

**U is for Under**

As angry as he often becomes with the smaller jet, as often as he had to stormed away from the arrogant, selfish, narrow-minded scrapling – as often as he voiced his disdain in tones as poisonous as he could manage, Starscream couldn't help the tiny modicum of respect he was building for his bond-mate.

Carrion was weak and spiteful and had a nasty habit of letting his mouth run when it should have been shut. But, if one was patient enough to flay back all the dermal plating of fragility and petulance, underneath all that was a streak of conniving hardness that drove the smaller jet to come back again and again, after every insult and failure.

He wouldn't go so far as to say that the other mech was like him, because there were too many obvious flaws for such a comparison. But there was something to take pride in, something that was almost respectable in the way that Carrion can pull him along in a waltz of anger; using his impertinence and unfailing ego to push his Commander to the brink of rage and then dial it all back, taking what he wants while, until he gets a chance to review the events, letting Starscream think it was he who had been in control.


	22. V is for Viral

**V is for Viral**

"That was… impressive." Starscream says when they return to the Nemesis. Turning his head to look at his soldier, he is rewarded with the sleek jet's expression of concern, usually only given on the field, when something has gone very wrong. And yet it isn't worry or horror he feels from his mate; it's amusement, and he is confused by this. Confusion leads easily to annoyance.

A scowl twists his expression, optics narrowing is displeasure. "Why are you looking at me that way?"

He can easily see the way the younger Seeker fights to control his expression, can feel him fighting to restrain himself. It's a losing battle, as most of his are; Carrion tosses his head back and laughs loudly before grinning brazenly at him. "I was just thinking I should check you for viruses. You don't sound like yourself."


	23. W is for Wish

**W is for Wish**

He stays still until the sight of Starscream's body, still and unmoving, becomes unbearable.

Carrion knows what fear tastes like. He's washed his mouth out enough with it to gather permanent implants of sour, stale aftertaste in the crevices of his denta. There isn't a taste in the world powerful enough to numb it; nothing can rinse it away. He feels it now, still pressing his claws to that still, cold metal, like it's going to come to life any second now, just another moment, as the sun starts to rise from the east.

He has been here before, blank-eyed and tired and at a loss for what to do next. But he refuses the memory; he won't replay one agony over a present one. Starscream is painted white and black and red in the shadow of this safe place, maybe iridescent because of the growing sunlight, maybe because he's coming back in just another minute. Because he has to- Carrion needs him to, is banking everything on it, wants the stupid bastard to grumble about priorities and ambitions, to be judgmental and cruel, to drag him out on train and insist his rise to leadership will be the best medicine for their sickening faction.

Carrion _needs _Starscream to come back to him, can't let thisseparate them. He needs to do something more than connect torn wires and trace a dead spark chamber. But he's just sitting here on the edge of this rock in the dim early light, and Starscream is gray and still and his engine isn't stirring. It wasn't when Carrion flew back here (five minutes or five hours ago) and before he stupidly left to try and get something to repair his mate, his engine had only struggled fitfully, spark flickering in the dark. Now everything, every dent and tear and gaping wound, is sealed closed- but for _what_, what a fucking joke this all is- and there is no color to Starscream at all. Even the red disappears in this light, leaving him ashen and corpse-pale.

Something about the still and washed out form is magnetic, and he reaches out slowly, unsure even now, to brush his claws over Starscream's arm. The dermal plating is so cold, and it's wrong, and the sensation that rips across his spark is something like tearing, something like shattering. His hand wanders up, pressing with something like urgency as he seeks any hint of warmth or motion or _life. _And it's not until his claws are pressed flat against Starscream's chest, his talons splayed across unresponsive metal, that he recognizes that tearing, shattering sensation as despair.

It feels like everything is leeched out of him and into the vacuum laying on the energon-enriched ground; all the hope and light and heat in him, sinking out into his fallen mate—and he'll give it willingly if the chest-plate under his hand will just rise again. A sound splits the shallow cave like desolation incarnate, and suddenly he's curled over the prone form of his partner, helm against the back of his own hand, whispering harsh pleas. The cynical pessimist that lives in the back of his head asks what the point is, but he ignores it. "You're going to come back," he prays to the dark, "I'll die if you don't."


	24. X is for Xerotripsis

**X is for Xerotripsis**

It almost burns, this tension between them. Carrion is waiting for it to snap like over-stressed elastic, to explode and sting them both. Fling them apart or force them together – plays out differently in his mind every time he contemplates it.

As it is, each day of training is agony, and on the battle field he's worried he's becoming sloppier instead of better. The only thing that makes it okay is knowing that Starscream often seems equally awkward and distracted, just as jumpy.

The early hours spent patching the other jet up after a battle are almost laughably uncomfortable, claws ending up where they shouldn't and yanked away before any reprisal can be voiced by his Commander. Neither of them know what the hell they're doing, any more than they can admit that anything is happening at all. Carrion, being the more confused of the two, can't even follow his natural urge to push things along, to fight this burgeoning awkwardness with action. Probably it's for the best, he thinks, figuring it's better to see how it plays out on its own. Things usually work out okay.

He'll take what he can get for now; each brush of his sensitive claws across unwounded metal burning like dry friction, promising something he doesn't quite understand.


	25. Y is for Yearning

**Y is for Yearning**

As one medically inclined – not a medic, mind you, just _inclined_ toward the study – Carrion found the nature of bonding to be very interesting. As much as they pretended to be capable of ignoring each other, as much mystery still lay between then in regards to the whys of their processing patterns, there was literally nothing they could hide from one another.

In spite of, or perhaps because of, the wide differences in their personalities, they resonated naturally with each other. When he hurt, so did Starscream; when the Commander thrilled, so too did he.

Distance didn't matter. They could be half a world apart or more, and still feel what the other felt, experiencing vicariously the lives of their mate. When they were apart like this, he on a scouting mission in some forsaken snow-scape and his bonded commanding the deck of the Nemesis as it flew over the rocky slopes of a distant mountain chain, he took a bitter-sweet consolation in that connection.

Because, he knew by the tight shift in his spark, the yearning he felt for his mate as reflected, magnified, and returned.


	26. Z is for Zoetic

**Z is for Zoetic**

He never meant for this to happen, but it's done now. Love is a line, a binding chain that has wrapped around him and snared him into something that he cannot survive escaping. But it is also a rod of power running through him, something pulsing and vital and completing.

Maybe it's wrong. Probably it is. All of this is an indulgence, the setting aside duty and ambition to be needy; they make a practice of holding each other back out of a selfish need for safety.

But Starscream will not lie, at least not to himself. These things they do; little niceties that have nothing to do with pleasure or power, soft caresses committed in the sanctity and cover of darkness – these are _wrong_ for a 'Con to delight in. They must be. But they feel so good, so perfectly right in the moment, and the guilt and anger that this weakness breeds comes slower and with less force every time.

They need each other, and these things they do might be wrong, but it holds them together and lets them work all the closer, stronger than they could be on their own. That is the purpose of bonding, after all. Despite all the weaknesses, there are strengths to their connection that are undeniable.

If he could go back and stop himself from meeting Carrion, maybe that would be better – but he can't do that, and so he has to live with this current stream of events. Part of that is having Carrion at his side, a weakness and strength all at once.


End file.
